Parental Alienation Syndrome

  What is Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS)? 

The term “parental alienation syndrome” (PAS) was first coined in 1985 by Dr. Richard Gardner, a child and forensic psychiatrist, to explain a destructive family dynamic that he observed in high-conflict divorces. He defined PAS as “a disorder that arises primarily in the context of child-custody disputes. Its primary manifestation is the child’s campaign of denigration against a parent, a campaign that has no justification. It results from the combination of a programming (brainwashing) parent’s indoctrinations and the child’s own contributions to the vilification of the target parent” (cited in Major, n.d.).

 In PAS, one parent, either the father or the mother, or sometimes the new partner of an ex-spouse, attempts to alienate the child, or children, from the other parent. The process is manipulative and is a form of psychological child abuse. The goal of the alienating custodial parent is to restrict or eliminate access to the child by the other parent.

  It is important to recognize that not all instances of a child’s rejection of a parent following divorce are due to parental alienation syndrome. A child may very well reject a parent, even before a marriage breakup, based on that parent’s actual behavior. As Dr. Gardner wrote, “Unfortunately, the term parental alienation syndrome is often used to refer to the animosity that a child may harbor against a parent who has actually abused the child, especially over an extended period. The term has been used to apply to the major categories of parental abuse, namely, physical, sexual, and emotional. Such application indicates a misunderstanding of the parental alienation syndrome. The term is applicable only when the parent has not exhibited anything close to the degree of alienating behavior that might warrant the campaign of denigration exhibited by the child” (cited in Wikipedia, n.d.).

 Although PAS is not yet officially recognized as a syndrome by the American Psychological Association, it is now acknowledged in the courts of law. However, there are certain criteria that must be met in order to distinguish between PAS and the common loyalty conflicts that occur in children of conflictual divorcing parents. PAS cannot be considered an operative process if a parent is seen to be attempting to alienate the child from the other parent, but the child is not successfully alienated.

 Bone and Walsh (1999) list four criteria that must all be clearly present to identify potential PAS:

 1.      Access and Contact Blocking. This criterion is positively identified when the alienating parent (AP) actively and consistently blocks access or contact between the child or children and the target parent (TP). Excuses for blocking visitation can range from declaring that the TP “unsettles” the child, to extreme allegations of sexual abuse. The AP can also deliver the message that the visitation is “inconvenient” and, therefore, just an errand or an annoying chore. The TP is not considered an important family member, and over time, the child’s relationship with the TP is destroyed.

2.      Unfounded Abuse Allegations. Untrue or unfounded accusations of abuse must be clearly and consistently present for this criterion to be positively identified. The most common expression is emotional abuse, which may, in fact, simply be differing viewpoints on the part of each parent. For example, one parent may let the child stay up later than the other, or the parents may not agree on appropriate activities for the child. In either case, the AP may accuse the TP of practices that are “detrimental” to the child. In the extreme, the AP may falsely accuse the TP of sexual or physical abuse.

3.      Deterioration in Relationship since Separation. Healthy relationships between children and their parents do not deteriorate without reason; they must be attacked. If a parent and child have a close relationship before the parents’ separation, and this parent clearly tries to maintain this relationship afterward, but the child no longer wants to see the parent, then this is a strong indication that the process of parental alienation is in operation.

4.      Intense Fear Reaction by Children. The most basic human fear is that of abandonment. In PAS, the child lives in fear of displeasing or disagreeing with the parent with whom they live most of the time and on whom they depend most—the alienating parent. The AP puts the child in the position of having to choose between parents, while continually testing the child’s loyalty. This puts the child in a state of chronic upset and fear of reprisal. The AP may appear to support visitation plans, all the while subtly (or not so subtly) denigrating and criticizing the TP in front of the child, and threatening the child when he or she does visit. For example, a child might report to the mother that he or she had a good time at their father’s, so the mother suggests the child go and live with their father, threatening, however, that if they do, the child won’t see her again. The child sees that this threat isn’t carried out, yet the fear of abandonment is instilled. As a result, children who live under these conditions no longer think for themselves or follow their instinct of wanting to visit with the other parent. They refuse to visit the TP and begin to internalize the AP’s criticisms of the TP. Purely for survival and to keep the peace, the child begins to tell lies or exaggerate, for example, reporting only bad experiences at the TP’s home.

 The Alienating Parent (AP)

 Mothers and fathers can engage in parental alienation syndrome (PAS) behavior, although women seem to do it more frequently. Men tend to go about gaining control of their children and taking revenge on their wives by kidnapping, whereas women tend to use psychological abduction.

 Alienating parents selfishly put their own needs and desires above those of everyone else, including their own children, to fulfill their compulsion to undermine, and even destroy, the other parent. So convinced are they of the righteousness of their position that they are often able to gain the support of friends, lawyers, and doctors, thus reinforcing and perpetuating the alienating behavior.

Typically, the alienating parent (AP) has an agenda for turning his or her child, or children, against the other parent. The motivation for this behavior varies from family to family, and often it is a long-standing aspect of the family dynamic that simply intensifies when the parents separate. Many factors can drive the AP to alienate the target parent (TP), including revenge (often for the hurt experienced by the divorce and/or discovered infidelity), self-righteousness, guilt, fear of loss of the child, jealousy, issues around child support, a family history of abandonment and alienation, and poor self-esteem.

 These motives lead the AP to program, or brainwash, the child into compliance. Three stages to this process are typically followed (Waldron and Joanis, 1996).

 1.      Content Theme Identification. A theme for the alienation that the AP and the child, or children, will share develops. This theme is, for the most part, unrealistic, for example, abandonment or the fear of kidnapping by the targeted parent.

2.      Mood Induction. The AP manipulates the child in order to gain support and sympathy from the child for the AP, and to induce an attitude of rejection toward the TP. Many strategies can be used to this end. For example, blaming the TP for the parents’ separation (“Everything was just fine, I don’t know why your dad left us”); creating an atmosphere of fear around the child’s visits with the TP (“While you are at your mom’s, remember, you can reach me by phone at any time if you need me”); introducing the “truth” about the past (“There are certain things I didn’t want to tell you about your dad before because I didn’t want to upset you, but I think you deserve to hear about them now …”); and threats (“Since you had such a good time at your dad’s, why don’t you just go and live with him. But if you do, just remember, you won’t be seeing me again”).

3.      Reward/Punishment. With repetition, the child begins to comply, gradually declaring that he or she is afraid of visiting the TP and refusing to speak to that parent on the telephone. The AP tests the child’s compliance, rewarding the child for the “right” response to questions, such as declaring that they didn’t enjoy their visit with the other parent and affirming their preference for the AP over the TP.

 If there are any signs of a breakdown, the programming is escalated with exaggerations and new accusations to cause the child to unequivocally reject the TP. Escalation can range from attacking the TP’s character or lifestyle, the TP’s parents and other relatives, or the TP’s new partner, to making false allegations of abuse or neglect by the TP.

 The Targeted Parent (TP)

 Fathers are more likely than mothers to become the targeted parent (TP) in parental alienation syndrome (PAS), especially when there are false accusations of abuse by the alienating parent (AP). The TP may contribute to the process by focusing on the AP, even understanding the pathology of the AP’s behavior, rather than focusing on the needs of the child. Some rejected parents will simply give up and withdraw.

 If the TP is able to maintain regular contact and a healthy relationship with the child, despite the efforts of the AP, then the PAS process will most likely not take hold. However, when the AP persists ruthlessly, playing on the fears, loyalty, and trust of the child, the child’s relationship with the TP, tragically, will be broken.

 Targeted parents of these high-conflict marital separations can experience intense stress, profound feelings of loss and frustration, anxiety, depression, feelings of betrayal, and outrage. When the TP is accused of child abuse, access to the child can be cut off completely, pending an investigation. Court proceedings can go on for months, or years, so that even if the accusation is disproved, valuable time with the child is lost. Not only is the child-parent relationship damaged, but the TP’s personal dignity, reputation, and financial health are also harmed.

 The Child in PAS

 Parental alienation syndrome (PAS) is a serious form of child abuse that is destructive to the child’s natural development. The child caught up in this pathological family dynamic suffers from fear of rejection and abandonment by the alienating parent (AP) if they express positive feelings about the targeted parent (TP). The child is brainwashed, manipulated, and psychologically brutalized in the AP’s campaign to discredit the child’s other parent.

 Normally, when parents divorce, the children continue to love and have a relationship with both parents. In high-conflict divorce where PAS is present, the child, or children, in the family experience the loss, not only of the TP, but often two grandparents and the other relatives and friends of the lost parent as well. In addition, the children don’t have the chance to mourn or even acknowledge this loss, and they miss out on the learning, support, and love that normally come from both sides of the family.

 The effect on the child in PAS is always detrimental, and the degree of severity depends on the extent of the brainwashing, the age of the child, the child’s temperament, the length of time the child is aligned with the AP, and the number of support people in the child’s life.

Younger children are more prone to separation anxiety. As they get older, they easily become confused by the alienating tactics of the AP. They begin to tell different stories to each parent, suffer from loyalty conflicts, and by the age of 6 or 7, they feel concern about hurting their parents. Children from 9 to 12 years try to resolve their earlier loyalty conflicts by forming a stronger alliance with the AP, which continues into adolescence. Some teenagers manage to become more objective and independent in their thinking; however, in severe PAS, most are unable to withdraw, and they continue their rejection and denigration of the TP.

 Alienating parents tend to be emotionally dysfunctional. They can be self-centered, chronically angry, paranoid, and depressed. The child aligned to the AP often feels alone, isolated, and responsible for this needy parent, who might also be an alcoholic and/or physically ill. At the same time, the child fears rejection by the AP.

 Children in PAS have as their primary role model a dysfunctional parent and do not have the benefit of being raised by a well-adjusted parent who would enrich their lives. The rejection by the child of the targeted parent can lead, over time, to guilt, shame, self-hatred, depression, and sometimes to thoughts of suicide. Because the child’s developmental needs are not met, he or she becomes emotionally and socially crippled and risks growing up to be an alienator as well.

 Bibliography and Recommended Reading

 Bone, J. Michael, and Walsh, Michael R. (1999). Parental Alienation Syndrome: How to Detect It and What to Do about It. The Florida Bar Journal, 73(3), 44–48. Available at: http://www.fact.on.ca/Info/pas/walsh99.htm (accessed November 5, 2007).

Cartwright, Glenn F. (2002). The Changing Face of Parental Alienation Syndrome. Paper presented at the symposium: The Parliamentary Report for the Sake of the Children, Ottawa: April 5–6, 2002. Available at: http://www.education.mcgill.ca/pain/changingface.htm (accessed November 10, 2007).

Cartwright, Glenn F. (1993). Expanding the Parameters of Parental Alienation Syndrome. American Journal of Family Therapy, 21(3), 205–215. Available at: http://www.education.mcgill.ca/profs/cartwright/papers/pas.htm (accessed November 10, 2007).

Direnfeld, Gary. (2003). A Brief Synopsis of “Parental Alienation” and “Parent Alienation Syndrome.” Available at: http://www.expertlaw.com/library/child_custody/parental_alienation_2.html (accessed November 5, 2007).

Dunne, John, and Hedrick, Marsha. (1994). The Parental Alienation Syndrome: An Analysis of Sixteen Selected Cases. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 21, 21–38. Available at: http://www.fact.on.ca/Info/pas/dunne.htm (accessed November 5, 2007).

Gardner, Richard A., Sauber, Richard S., and Lorandos, Demosthenes. (2006). The International Handbook of Parental Alienation Syndrome: Conceptual, Clinical and Legal Considerations. Springfield, Illinois: Charles C. Thomas Publisher Ltd.

The Leadership Council on Child Abuse & Interpersonal Violence. (n.d.). What is Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS)? Available at: http://www.leadershipcouncil.org/1/pas/faq.htm (accessed November 5, 2007).

Major, A. Jayne. (n.d.). Parents Who Have Successfully Fought Parent Alienation Syndrome. Available at: http://www.fact.on.ca/Info/pas/major98.htm (accessed November 5, 2007).

Rand, Deirdre Conway. (1997). The Spectrum of Parental Alienation Syndrome (Part I). American Journal of Forensic Psychology, 15(3). Available at: http://www.fact.on.ca/Info/pas/rand01.htm and http://www.fact.on.ca/Info/pas/rand02.htm (accessed November 5, 2007).

Rand, Deirdre Conway. (1997). The Spectrum of Parental Alienation Syndrome (Part II). American Journal of Forensic Psychology, 15(4). Available at: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/rand11.php and http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/rand12.php and http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/rand13.php (accessed November 5, 2007).

Waldron, Kenneth H., and Joanis, David E. (1996). Understanding and Collaboratively Treating Parental Alienation Syndrome. American Journal of Family Law, 10, 121–133. Available at: http://www.fact.on.ca/Info/pas/waldron.htm (accessed November 5, 2007).

Walsh, Michael R., and Bone, J. Michael. (1997). Parental Alienation Syndrome: An Age-Old Custody Problem. The Florida Bar Journal June 1997. Available at: http://www.fact.on.ca/Info/pas/walsh.htm (accessed November 5, 2007).

Wikipedia. Parental Alienation Syndrome. (n.d.). Available at: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parental_alienation_syndrome (accessed November 5, 2007).